In his public sphere as an employee at Whole Foods he gave freely and openly with a great sense of humor and a compelling warmth that kept the fire bright and the smiles coming. People wanted to be with him.
As a student, his Professors said they could sense "something special in him and about him." Through a bumpy academic career he showed signs of brilliance and an independent resilience that kept him in the game while occasionally scraping the bottom.
With his death came the shock of many of our lives. As his friend Justin said, "this kind of thing only happens in the newspapers, not to us."
As parents, we were beyond ourselves. We had talked to "Darb" in the late afternoon of the day he passed. All was well. At 10-11pm on the night of May 7th we received a call from the police that he was unresponsive and on his way to the hospital. Off to Amherst we sped in a state of unknowingness and shock. Twenty minutes after arriving at Cooly-Dickinson Hospital in Northampton we were informed that he was not able to be saved.
In the coldest and most cruel of manners we were informed that Darby "had been here before." This is almost to say "it wasn't our fault, you can't blame us at all." It was fine for us to pay the bills, but we have no rights to protect ourselves or those we love. This hospital and a misguided system are criminals of the highest degree and should be held responsible. The lawsuit is coming. If anyone has info that would help us peruse this end please contact his parents at 978-445-5305.
We needed to own "this leaving of form" and stay close to the reality of his body. We exercised our right under Massachusetts law to claim the body ourselves and forgo the undertakers and the Funeral homes. We also decided not to have him embalmed.
There is a growing movement to become more in touch with the death part of our lives, and not be protected from the truth it shares and the fullness to be gained. The undertakers and funeral lobbyists make it very hard to stay close to reality. As we went through our process, fortunately we had allies. The funeral directors in the western part of the state of Massachusetts are engaged in illegal practices. The is shown as a refusal to accept bodies from families. The town of Northampton, MA also colluded with them in refusing to recognize our right to claim and handle Darby's body ourselves. The both, along with the medical examiner in Springfield made our lives a "living Hell," all at a time when we were in a position of weakness. They, as well, should be held accountable for encouraging illegal activities.
I must, in all fairness and gratitude, say that the local funeral directors Badger of Groton and Westford, MA were very open and helpful to us as, in order to pick up Darb, we had to have a state approved container (again actually legally not required, but we were trying to make things easy). They went out of their way to help us procure this container. As they were out they called around until we could find one and then directed us to it.
Thankfully, we also found strong allies in the fight to claim what is rightfully ours. These were Funeral Consumers Alliance of Eastern Massachusetts (The Memorial Society,Inc.) - 617-491-2368 - Caring for your own dead, helping families direct their own funerals nationally at www.funerals.org. In connection with them we found Eternal Blessings Cremations, www.vermontblessings.com. As they state, "we provide affordable family direct cremation services. That is, "we work directly with families and relatives, no funeral home involvement necessary."
As we took the journey from Groton to Springfield, Jim Curley of Eternal Blessings was on the phone to the Mass. Medical Examiners office in Boston getting the OK to reassure nervous officials and calling lawyers to reassure everyone that this unusual process was legal and that there was no liability involved for anyone that was a part of it. After several trips back and forth from the medical examiners office in Springfield and Northampton Town Hall we took possession of the body of Darby Ethan-Loyd Fassett.
The exhilaration for me (Dan/Dad) in being able to have and to hold what my wife Lyssa and I had brought into this world without anyone telling us what to do and how to do it, and no one looking over our shoulders, was an experience of reclamation and pure empowerment. Though still shocked with sadness, this sadness was tempered by a glow of contentment like no other.